I have a couple of secrets whom has been known by some of you and also might be done by some of you...
One of it is texting during my toilet break...everytime i text to some of friend, they always reply,"You must be inside the toilet"...well...don't you think it's about multi tasking things...you still can be productive when you are trying your best to do something in the toilet 
But children, please do not try this at home...especially you who are using Sony Erricson Handphone...2 of my phones died either because i dropped it into the water or the water splash onto it..of course it did not happened in Singapore...
Not that I've met Britney in person. I just finished watching ther documentary "Britney: For The Record" whereby she invited the film crew into her life to capture her life for 60 days, to make public see what her actual life and feelings are...
It is very touching, seeing her not been able to have her freedom anywhere, it must be scary to live her life....it's even worse than life in the prison...whereby her life is very ironic she is free to do anything but yet she can't do anything in her own luxurious time...
When she started to say,"I'm like always running aways from my life, because I can't do a lots of things that normal people could do in their life...she has lost her freedom after being famous..and actually I've been guarded very well so far before, but I was lonely.." I felt like,"Wow, that's me...the part that I have lost my own freedom of being me...the luxurious that I've never had in my life until now..and the part that she said that she was lonely...I am lonely too..."
You can see me have a lots of friends, but friends...real friends that I am talking about..how many of them that you really have in your life...in Britney's case I still see, at least, she has the whole entourage around her..almost day and night...even though she also saying that,"When I am starting to talk about what I feel, seems like everbody is hearing but they don't really listening and understand what I am talking about...they hear, what they wanna hear they don't really listent to what I am trying to tell them...they've never get serious to listen about what I am talking about...what am I feeling right now.."
Again I was amazed,"Wow, that's me..." Even when I am telling the sore of my life, 95% of so called "my best friends" are behaving that way..and some of them also started to say "Ah...it's you just think unnecessary things...or Ah you are talking non-sense.." Or they just sheepishly turn the conversation to another topics, to avoid me talking more deeply into my real sore problems...
I really can't see the support that I expected...the support that really can accept me as per what I am...they always see me as the lucky person...but who knows behind all my joviality, my crazy silly jokes, there is a deeply wounded heart, that most of the people don't know what I am going through...
Britney said,"Even when you go to jail, there is always the time that you know when you're gonna get out..but..."
It touch me even deeper...yeah exactly...i haven't been out ever since i fell into my quarter life crisis until now...I was hoping that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel..but not..I am starting to lose hope about the light at the end of the tunnel..and started to believe that the tunnel that I am going through is the dark, deep endless tunnel...
I used tot think that my life is out of control, but actually after hearing Britney said that actually her life is not out of control, on the contrary her life is under a lot of control, and it makes her life boring...there is no excitement at all...and I realised it's true...that's what I am going through...I don't have control of my life...not even control over my maid...I am under control of my maid, isn't that silly?
In fact last night I was talking to 1 of my best friend, and he said that I am blessed by having my current maid in my life...but I told him, I felt like I even lose control over my own house...a lots of things that I would love to do it my self, but it has been taken over by her...and she refuses to hear what I wanted to do...just because my current maid might be "a starbucks graduate" who always go extra mile with the service *sigh* And after that again my friend turned the conversation into something else...AAARRRGGGHHHH COULD SOMEBODY REALLY LISTEN TO ME SERIOUSLY PLEASEEEE....
Britney also said that she is scared to go into the real happiness, just because she scared that it might be taken away someday...so she doesn't allow herself to feel...so that it won;'t be painful when it is taken away...
Again, that's me...I am not allowing my self to feel, because I just scared that when I let my feeling run, it is definitely will hurt me deeply....and because I am used to not allowing my self to feel...no I can't feel anything at all...
She also said that she always avoid to be at home, and when she was in her cars and she was driving, she always feels like going somewhere....again..it's me...just because when I am home it just like I don't have control over all the things...meanwhile when I am in my car, I have a full control over the steering wheel, my speed, where I wanna go etc...
Like her, I am also angry with my self for people taking advantages of me and angry with people lso for taking advantages of me and for letting it go on for so long..but not like her..I am stil not been able to let it go...
She could choose to be a happy person...that's also the things that I haven't been able to do...She has a lots of people around her that she could spend time with...me? Who do I have to have fun with? Yeah sometimes I do have some friends to have "a fake fun" but I really wish that I do have constant friends that I could have even "fake fun" with...
The things that keep me going until now is the responsiblity towards my parents...that's it...
And I am really wanna gain power and strength in me to be back on track, and being able to enjoy my life...Life is short, and I've spent half of it by being bitter with my life...and still not being able to let it go...will I ever be able to get happiness in my life?
Yeah it's a bit too late to post this title, do you think I should put Valentine's Reflection instead?
Anyway this things always inside my minds, be it during my birthday, or during new year periods, if only I could do Ctrl-Alt-Del, or reset my life all over again....But I realise whatever had been done, can not be undone.It's no use to keep on regretting about the past. What I can do is not to repeat the mistake and just continue life, and learn from the lesson...
It's sounds simple and easy...but yet again I find it's very hard to practice...and I hope this year I would be able to learn how to just continue life and try not to repeat the same mistakes anymore. Try to do whatever I want to do because life is short...
I don't want to live my life and regret at the end, just because I didn't have chance or not giving myself a chance to do something that I really wanted to do in my life...
Hopefully I could have the courage to do so....
First, wanna say thanks for all of you that have been missing me so much, it wil take sometimes to do blogwalking again, please be patient with me :)
Seems that me and typhoon are destined to love each other. After last December, stroke by typhoon no 9 in the middle of the journey by ferry from Macau to Hongkong, whereby i saw the waves as high as 2 metres in the middles of the sea, and people started to panick and become merlion (read:vomitting), all the glass and plates started to stumbled down and creating a lots of noise, but i managed to stay composed and calmed the whole journey...
Last night I arrived in Hongkong with sign typhoon no.3 is striking *sigh* and according to the news that today the typhoon will be ranging from 8-10 *deep sigh*. But last night being hungry i was still straying out to look for food, the weather was very humid, until i suffered a bad anxiety attack, the air was really stagnant, i had to keep on looking around for those air conditioned shop that still open at 10.30 pm and tried to catch a breath properly there *sigh*
Now, after had my breakfast downstairs, i am staying still i the room seeing how hard the wind blowing downstairs, i see in the TV it is tphoon no.9 and the humidity is 78%, i haven't experience such a high humidity *nangis bombay*
That's mean, i have to stay still in hotel, no outside food, no shopping, no nothing.....waaa *histeris*
Dear Indonesia, my country, and my Indonesian brothers and sisters,
I would like to say, "Dirgahayu Indonesia yang ke 63"I am proud to be Indonesian, and always be....
I want to say to Indonesian team that won medals in the olympic,"Well Done". I am sure that one is the biggest gift that Indonesia had received for this year birthday.
I hope we as an Indonesian citizen will love our country more deeply, and try to build a better future for our country...
Once more I wanna say,"Sekali merdeka tetap merdeka"